I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
Mary Frye (1932)
Those of us who have had our lives enriched and blessed by our wonderful "furkids" know so well the joy they bring ... their trusting spirits, their unconditional love and unparalleled devotion. Sadly, we also know the insurmountable grief that presents itself when it is time to let them move on to the Rainbow Bridge.
This section is dedicated to the memory of the wonderful companion animals who have blessed my life ... they are the reason for Chipper's Haven. Each of you touched me in your own special way, and I long for the day that we'll be together again
| Maggie | Trooper | Chipper | Taz |
"Hello, Maggie," I whispered to the 9-week-old puppy that I held in my arms at one of the local pet stores. I had always wanted a Golden Retriever. I had the already chosen her name ... "Steel Magnolia", in honor and memory of my mother, who was the quintessential proud Southern woman. "Maggie" for short. I didn't know 14 years ago that you didn't buy puppies at a pet stores. I didn't know about backyard breeders ... about puppy mills ... about health clearances. I was uneducated and heartbroken after having just lost my mother to cancer ... but my total ignorance blessed me with nearly 14 years of sheer bliss with the most wonderful Golden Retriever who was ever born.
Maggie never knew a stranger ... in her beautiful vision of life, they were simply friends she hadn't met yet. She embraced everyone and everything ... dogs, cats, people, squirrels. Yes, even squirrels. (Hear that, Trooper?) Maggie went through so many life changes with me. She helped me grow and was my constant companion ... my best friend ... my soul mate. In her later years, people often remarked that they didn't recognize me without my Maggie glued to my side. The standing joke also got to be that I was simply the chauffeur "Driving Miss Maggie". She loved going for rides in the car, and would sit up straight like the proper Southern lady that she was. That's my girl.
When spondylosis threatened to debilitate her at age 11, we learned of alternative therapies. Suddenly, I discovered what gave her the greatest joy ... swimming and diving. And her finest moment came when she graced the cover of Animal Wellness Magazine in Spring 2004. Never had she looked more beautiful. I was so proud of her. I still am. My leaping pupperfish ... my flying Maggie. She was poetry in motion and the absolute joy on her face still makes me smile.
I could never have dreamt that I would be faced with the gut wrenching decision of having to let her join Chipper at the Rainbow Bridge because of bloat. God knows I did everything in my power to try to prevent it. She was supposed to cross over in her sleep at the ripe old age of 150. That's what I wanted for her. But in retrospect, as crazy as it sounds, I think Maggie did it her way. In my heart, I believe she chose to go ahead so that she could team up with Chipper and be there to greet Trooper a mere 5 weeks later. That was my Maggie ... that is my Maggie. Mother hen to all.
Maggie was so loved, but that comes as no surprise. She was easy to love. She was the goodwill ambassador for Golden Retrievers. She accepted all the Golden fosters I brought into my home in a gentle and loving way. Her lovely easy-going temperament worked wonders on Gracie. She acted, in a sense, as Gracie's mentor. Just today I watched Gracie out in the backyard ... she seems to have taken on some of Maggie's softness.
Maggie, my beautiful girl ... how do I find the words to thank you for changing my life? For being such a patient teacher. I knew nothing when you came into my life, but oh honey ... the lessons you taught me. You were perfection. You were, and always will be ... The One.
I love you, my puppy girl ... and I can't wait to hold your sweet face in my hands on the Other Side. And I hope they have nice cars at the Bridge, too, because once I again, I will be your driver ...and I will once again delight in Driving Miss Maggie.
Love,
Mommy xoxoxo
"You Had Me At The Paw" — Shortly after Trooper arrived to live out his days here in my home, my roommate Christal sat in front of his huge wire crate. She looked at me and said "Pam, I just haven't bonded with him."
Christal had become my roommate shortly before I took in Chipper in 2003. Chipper was a sweet little 5-year-old Golden with a mast cell tumor that eventually metastisized, and in May of that year, I had to send him to the Rainbow Bridge. His passing affected both of us deeply. And though Trooper looked nothing like Chipper, the comparisons were inevitable.
Just then ... Trooper sat up in his crate, lifted one of his huge "salmon snatching" paws, put it against the crate door and stared at her with his beautiful soulful eyes. I saw a tear fall down her cheek and heard her say ... "Okay, okay. You had me at the paw."
I didn't want to get attached. When Jill and my other Golden-loving friends alerted me to Trooper's plight, I didn't think twice. I wanted Trooper to be able to live out his days here in my home knowing that he was cared for and safe ... but I didn't want to get attached. Obviously, he had other plans. And in true Trooper fashion, he made no bones about it. He would steal my heart. Many times I said that Chipper opened the door to my caring for terminally ill Goldens. Well ... Trooper burst through that same door with a love and zest for life like no other. And one of the many lessons he taught was that I could love again ... that I would love again ... over and over and over. And he showed me that even after he had crossed over to the Rainbow Bridge, that I would somehow work through my grief and do my best to help another special needs Goldens. And I will. Chipper's Haven—A Safe Haven for Special Needs Golden Retrievers will become a reality.
When Trooper began chemotherapy treatments at Florida Veterinary Specialists in Tampa, he wormed his way into everyone's heart there as well. He would walk in the back, with Hamilton (his favorite blue teddy bear) in his mouth ... tail wagging, those mischevious eyes flashing. I was told that in the treatment area that once he stopped goofing around and pawing everyone with those huge feet, that he was as docile as a lamb. Once he knew that I was back in the building, however, he would change. Suddenly, he become my protector ... my hero. Determined to save me from any harm.
It still floors me when I think of how so many people banded together to help Trooper, not only financially but emotionally and spiritually. People from all walks of life. People who, out on the street, probably wouldn't have much in common but they found a common thread in trying to help this beautiful Golden soul. I loved reading cards sent to him ... one lady in particular said that he inspired her and made her want to be a better person. What a legacy Trooper leaves us. He lived more in 10 months than most of us will live in our entire lifetimes.
Trooper didn't lose his battle with cancer. Trooper didn't lose anything. His work here on earth simply was done, and it was time for him to reunited with my beloved Maggie and Chipper at the Rainbow Bridge, where he could relentlessly chase squirrels and play with endless rubber chickens, as he did here on earth. Gracie, my 8-year-old Golden, misses him so much. But I know that she sees him. She has serious vision problems ... but I know she sees him. And I know her heart senses him. She worshipped the ground he walked on.
Godspeed, my handsome boy ... my "hammerhead", my "goofy guy". This separation is temporary. I can't wait to snuggle up next to you again and feel your fur against my cheek. How I miss that.
And Trooper ... thank you for the most valuable lesson of all:
"It's not the destination ... it's the journey."
And what a journey it was.
I love you,
Mommy xoxoxo
"Chipper, you always see the glass half full, don't you?"
Little did I know that those words, spoken by a dear friend, would become Chipper's legacy.
I knew he was special the first time I met him. I had volunteered to transport Chipper to weekly grooming appointments and acupuncture treatments. When his current foster parent brought him outside, my heart broke but swelled at the same time. Tears welled in my eyes as I gazed upon a petite 5-year-old Golden with a face scarred from untreated allergies. But the thing that struck me was that he had the BIGGEST smile on his face!
I nicknamed him "The Spinner" because when he'd see me, he'd begin spinning around in circles. He was a charmer. You couldn't not like Chipper.
He took his acupuncture and chiropractic adjustments like a trooper. He took the amputation of one of his toes because of mast cell cancer like a trooper. But...he never stopped smiling. And that smile would melt your heart. I know it melted mine time and time again.
When Chipper came to live with me as a permanent foster, I was ecstatic. Both of my Goldens, Maggie and Gracie, accepted him. I was particularly surprised at Gracie's attitude toward him. She was my former foster whom I had adopted ... she had an abusive past and was usually very skittish and not particularly friendly around other dogs. She accepted Chipper like no other dog before, and the two became fast friends.
Chipper touched so many lives in such a short time. He was an instant hit when we visited a local nursing home. No one saw the missing toe. No one saw the facial scars ... all they saw was a wagging tail and that beautiful ear-to-ear grin. And Chipper seemed to know which ones needed him. There was one resident who, according to the staff, had not spoken a word in months. Chipper walked over to her, and quickly won her over. She turned to the nurse and said "That's an amazing dog."
Indeed he was.
Chipper's health rapidly deteriorated the first week of May 2003, and despite our best efforts to stop the cancer growth by both traditional and holistic menas, there was no improvement. That was when I made the most difficult decision that I had been faced with. I saw it in Chipper's eyes. He was ready go to Home to the Rainbow Bridge.
DoodleBug, how I miss you. But I know your work here was done. You taught me so many lessons ... the most important being that no matter how rotten things seem, there's always something to smile about.
So, until that wonderful day when you catch sight of me crossing the Rainbow Bridge, you have fun and go play with all your friends. Don't worry ... I'll be easy to spot. This time, I'll be the one spinning and grinning my way to you.
Godspeed, my sweet boy.
— top —
There we were, standing among what seemed to be a sea of kitties. Tammy called to me from the other end of the line of crates. She held a tiny, dark blue-gray ball of fur which looked directly into my eyes. The largest, most stunning chartreuse green eyes pierced my soul and cast a spell on me. A teeny weeny "meow" slipped out and a little paw was extended toward me, as if he wanted to shake my hand. I took him from Tammy's arms, and I realized ... love at first sight really DOES exist! What I hadn't realized yet was just how much this kitten was going to change my life.
While I did the paperwork to adopt him, he nuzzled my chin and purred continuously. On the ride home, he slept on my shoulder, hiding his face under my hair.
In his new home, my little angel turned into a miniature tornado! He jumped up on the couch, on the window sill, then onto the bookcase. Checking out the kitchen, he up on the kitchen counter, and trotted across the counter, tail high in the air, giving the impression that he thought of himself as lion-sized. That's when he was named ... TAZ, after the Tazmanian Devil on Looney Tunes.
My handsome cat also became my guardian angel, my source of strength ... over and over again. Taz remained my best friend and confidante through personal relationships, several moves in and out of state, tough times, and sad times; he was always there for me, I knew I could count on him.
Our last move was into "Chipper's Haven." Taz and Pam's cat A.J. became very close. When both A.J. and Taz started sneezing, Pam and I took them both to the vet who X-rayed to check for pneumonia.
Neither had pneumonia, luckily, but the vet showed me Taz's chest X-ray. His heart was 2-3 times the size it should be. A cardiologist. diagnosed Taz with Congestive Heart Failure along with Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. The prognosis: Poor. When we left the vet's office, I continued to hear his words: "He may have 6 months left if we're lucky."
Thanks to A.J.'s cold, Taz went onto a life-saving but strict regimen of drug therapy. Two months later, Taz was back to himself, playing and hanging out in the "cat room" with his pal, A.J., when he had another crisis. When he couldn't walk on his hind quarters, I knew immediately he was throwing a blood clot. We rushed off to the emergency vet where they started him on I.V. Heparin immediately to break up the clot. The next morning the cardiologist adjusted the meds to thin his blood a little more, and Taz and I headed home for two more YEARS!!
He continued to act and play like a kitten, especially with Pam's Maine Coon kitten. For months, you would see and hear the two of them rolling all over the floor hanging to each other, squealing at each other, playing until they were both worn out.
One evening, when Taz stood up on my bed, he seemed very uncomfortable and kept trying to get up and change positions. Pam and I rushed him off to emergency vet again with another clot, but this time it had lodged into the main artery that goes to the hind quarters. Sedation for pain and another few bags of I.V. Heparin were all we could do for him at that point.
At the cardiologist's office the next morning, it became painfully obvious that the blood had begun to clot again in the same place. Tears streamed down my face as I wondered if I was making the right decision or not. I was torn by the fact that he'd already lived way beyond the expectation of the cardiologist. I was so grateful for that. At the same time, since he had been healthy for more than two years, could he get better this time? I tried desperately to talk to him and begged him for an answer. Suddenly, he looked into my eyes, into my soul again with those stunning chartreuse eyes; I knew he was ready to go.
He turned his eyes toward Craig, my boyfriend, and then back to me, and he licked my hand. Taz glanced at Pam too, then back into my eyes. This time, an odd sense of peace came over him and I could see he knew I was surrounded by people that would take care of me, he knew it was okay to go now. I couldn't be selfish and keep him here.
Taz, you will always live in my heart! You have been the biggest, and most powerful spiritual blessing in my life ... thank you for showing me it's okay to believe! I love you sweetheart! I miss you TONS!
You will always be with me; you've already proven that several times over. You are my heart and soul, my forever fur angel!
GOD SPEED, TAZ!
